


No Sweet Dream

by thefirsttailor



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28233042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefirsttailor/pseuds/thefirsttailor
Summary: After having a nightmare Genya and Zoya talk about their histories with men in power.  ILLUSIONS TO PAST TRAUMA AND GROOMING THIS IS YOUR TRIGGER WARNING
Relationships: Zoya Nazyalensky/Genya Safin
Kudos: 4





	No Sweet Dream

The hands wrapped around her arm, no her leg, no it was her neck. She couldn’t breath and the poison dripped down her throat slowly. She knew what it could do; she made it. She wanted to scream but her throat was closed off. Thrashing around. His face above her she tried to reach out and hit the catlike grin she couldn’t get out of her mind. This was it, this was how she would die. Closing her eyes she tried to relax and wait maybe if she stayed still enough it would all go away.  
It did indeed go away and Genya woke up. It was just a nightmare she reminded herself. She was fine, her door was locked and she was safe even without that. It had been years but still some nights the Darkling and the King both haunted her at night. She tried to push the thoughts from her head and focus and drink some water. Unfortunately she was out of water, which meant it was time to take a trip to the kitchen. She was shaking though she couldn’t leave like this. Standing up slowly as not to fall Genya walked to the mirror. She looked at her skin, scared but perfect. There were no burns, no bruises, she was safe. Looking at her complexion could help her at times. She could see that she was not hurt and that reminded her that she was safe. “I am Genya Safin, I am not afraid, I am safe here.” She repeated the mantra out loud. This was supposed to ground her and it usually worked.  
Now that she was done shaking she slowly stood up putting a robe on over her pajamas and her eyepatch so as to not scare any of the servants on her way she went to sneak down to the kitchens for more water, and maybe a pastry, or five.  
When Genya made her way to the kitchen she quietly slipped in there were a few servants still cleaning but she nodded to them and got her water and moved along giving them room to work. On her way back to her rooms she got to thinking about herself. Falling deeper into her own pity spiral she thought of how she was so alone and how she wished there was someone she could really talk to. Not pleasantly, not kindly where she has to comfort them for her past. When she spoke to David about this he often got so upset on his own that Genya ended up being the comforting one telling him how she was fine and it was all ok. Alina understood at times but she felt so guilty about it and saints forbid she ever even tried to talk to Nikolai about it, she might still be hung. That was when she heard footsteps in the hallway as she neared her room. Looking up to see who was coming she let out a sigh of relief to see Zoya standing at the end of the hall.  
Genya gave a small wave and Zoya dipped her head down. Zoya kept walking which meant having to go past Genya; her steps were small and hurried, she wasn’t making eye contact, this was not the Zoya that she knew. “Are you alright” Genya asked in a shockingly strong yet soft voice. It was clearer than her voice usually was after nightmares but in that moment she could tell that Zoya needed a soft tone.  
“I’m fine, I just need to get some water” Zoya said quickly and tried to walk past but Genya stepped in her way. “I have a pitcher why not just take some of mine you look like you need a friend not a drink” Genya was good at reading emotions and she saw too many signs here to let Zoya walk away. “Tell me what's going on and don’t fib this time” Genya said arching her eyebrow.  
Zoya took a deep breath and put her hands on her stomach as though that would center her. Genya opened the door to her room and gestured to Zoya who quickly walked in. Genya closed the door behind them. Pouring two cups Genya took a sip from her cup and held the other out for Zoya. When Zoya reached for it Genya jerked it back “reason for being up at this unholy hour then you can have water” Genya chided she wanted to know what could have someone as perfect as Zoya missing her beauty rest.  
“You're a bitch sometimes you know that?” Zoya smiled a bit. The smile was quick to fade as she took a deep breath then she mumbled “it was a nightmare ok can I have the damn water now?” Zoya couldn’t look up; she just took the water and stared down at it. It was not in her nature to talk about her feelings and she wasn’t really in the mood to now. Well thats a lie she needed to let it out now but Genya was not the person to complain to about these things.  
“Same” Genya said as she stared down at her own cup. For a moment they both sat in silence. Before Genya added quietly “its always the same one for me I’m falling and these hands are trying to hold me down and I can’t scream or anything…..and…..” She trailed off as tears sprung to her eyes. She was not about to cry; she was sure of that. Zoya stared at her for a moment; they never talked about it. Then the squaller added “mine are similar. I can hear their voices and I can see him and his voice echo like we are in a cave. It’s like I know it is over and that he is gone but every so often in my dreams he is still here. Still telling me the same things.” Zoya looked away.  
“Did you know him well?” Genya asked “Zoya, can I tell you a secret?” Zoya nodded slowly. This was not going to be good. “The voice I hear in those echoing nightmares, it’s the Darkling.” She whispered his name. It was cursed to even say it outloud. She felt so stupid. She should not still be afraid, she- “Mine too” Zoya blurted out quickly.  
“What?” Genya shook her head slightly “he... you … if he touched you I will bring him back just to kill him again I swear” Zoya laughed “No need to kill a dead man again I’m fine really. I just thought he cared about me. It sounds so stupid now, but the gifts the attention I craved to be around him.” Zoya started to shake slightly. “Can I hold your hand?” Genya asked her to be sure it was alright to touch her. Once the squaller gave a small nod the tailor took her hand and looked into her blue eyes. “Your experience is valid, what that horrid man did to you is not right and don’t you dare apologize for what HE did to you” The conviction in her voice was strong despite the urge to cry. “Just because he didn’t touch you doesn’t mean he wasn’t hurting you. Sometimes I think that he was the worst part of it all. The way he made me think I was special to him made me strive to please him. I have no doubts that he was an evil man who wanted horrid things.” With a small nod Zoya wiped away her tears with her free hand. “You know I’ve always been afraid to talk to you about this because I think about how much worse you had it and I feel so bad.”  
“Wanna play a game?” Genya had a crooked smile on her face and a devilish grin in her eye, a frightening face for this conversation. Zoya cautiously nodded letting Genya continue “I will say mean things about the Darkling then you get a turn its that simple of a game and we will play this and be a mean as we want until we remember that we are two smoking hot women who are so much more than what he did to us. It simple but I bet I can come up with a better insult than you can”  
“Game on” Zoya countered. “He was so dramatic, always talking like he was in a poem ‘The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak’ Like who talks like that” Geyna let out a laugh and they kept playing till sunrise.  
It didn’t undo any pain, the game didn’t take away any scars or heal any hurts. It was simple and they laughed. That was what mattered. For once Genya got to talk about her nightmares and just talk about them. She wasn’t pitied and she didn’t have to comfort anyone. The humor was dark and they got some great insults in before the morning light. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual assault please contact a hotline or tell an adult who can help you.


End file.
